What is means to be a 30 something

As a millennial, I feel as though I have done everything right. I went to college for my undergraduate degree. I got a job in the same field that I studied (shocking). I then went on and got my master’s degree. I have a retirement plan and great benefits. I travel. I have a wonderful relationship with my significant other. And yet, sometimes I feel like I am doing it all wrong. My SO talks about starting a family frequently. He is ready and I…am unsure. Part of me feels like I am still so young and have so much to accomplish. I am on this fast track of having everything I have worked so hard for up until this point. I have a great career, I make enough money for myself. A deeper part of me feels guilty because I think I would genuinely give it all up to be a stay at home mom. That scares me.  I have conflicting feelings. I have always known where my life was going career wise and now I am so unsure. This is not something I talked about with anyone for awhile but when I finally brought it up to my girlfriends we all have mixed emotions about where we are going in life. The most profound feeling is guilt. We all expressed guilt about having kids and staying in our careers. “What if I miss my child’s first steps, what if I can’t get off work to go to a school field trip, what if…” Then there is the other side. Guilt about leaving everything we have worked our entire adult lives for. “What if I leave my career and cannot jump back into it years later?  What if my spouse resents me for staying home? What if I took out all these student loans for nothing!” I admit it, I feel selfish relying on someone else to support me. I also feel like I would feel inferior in a way. I also think I would really being to hate my job if I had a family and had to drop my child off to day care everyday. This blog started because I realize I am not alone and I want to know what other women have done or what they are thinking. So…how have you handled this? Do you stay at home, do you work from home, do you work part time, have you kept your full time career, have you changed careers to something more flexible? And then also I wonder, do you regret your decision? This is an open space so please, no judging. There is clearly no right or wrong way to do this thing called adulting.

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